power, love and a sound mind
Updated: Mar 15, 2019
Several years ago having been asking God for a place where I could fellowship with like-minded believers, a total stranger came into my place of work and gave me a leaflet for “Movie March”. The following Sunday evening I trundled along to “Movie March” at Equippers Church, not really knowing what to expect.
Well… when I set foot into a small and homely auditorium I had an instant visceral experience of God. I felt warmth in my body, an ache in my chest and an unpermitted compulsion to cry. Now, I was "saved" when I was 11 years old and had always been aware of God and his presence, but this was INCREDIBLE and undeniably tangible.
Fast forward a few years and the church had become a home from home, a place of love and freedom in my life. However, I always felt that I should be careful not to “indulge myself in it too deeply.” These feelings could have been due to past experiences or a genuine intuition. Soon the evening meetings were cancelled and due to the fact that I worked on Sundays and I was rarely able to attend the service.
Somehow, I could feel God urging me to know him more deeply. This urge partly came from a miraculous experience that I had overcoming the "baby blues" AKA Post-Natal Depression (PND). When my son was born in May of 2016 I was overcome by joy, seeing my baby was completely and utterly euphoric; his tininess, his vulnerability, it was my first ever experience of pure unconditional love.
Ironically that love began to manifest itself inside me as fear, “I’m going to mess this up”, “how can I do this?” “I’m not responsible enough”, “Why isn’t my Dad here to help me?” “”Why is my Mum so sick?” “Why is there no one who will be nurturing towards ME right now?” This swirling depression had gripped me and the guilt in recognising it made me feel even worse. All I could think of was, “Church, church, church – I need to get to church.” So with a two week old gorgeous baby in tow my not-so-willing husband drove me to church.
It was God’s love that carried me and my silent sobs through the door and on the inside; there it was again – the visceral presence of my AMAZING FATHER. After the service I was prayed for by several people and one of them said to me,
“For God has not given you a spirit of fear Kelly, but of POWER, LOVE and a SOUND mind.”
I now know that this is a scripture from 2 Timothy 1:7, but at the time all I did was keep repeating it to myself, day in and day out. I repeated it loudly, I repeated it quietly and unknowingly I was repeating it as praise! Unwittingly raising my vibration, aligning my faith to Gods love and commanding the fruition of my prayers. I was saying, “Thank you for my powerful spirit Lord and thank you for giving me a spirit of Love lord” and the more I said it the more I felt the Holy Spirit overcoming my fears.
I went from breastfeeding agony and failure to being able to express over 1 litre of breastmilk per day within just 1 hour! I went from feeling deprived to feeling relaxed and confident. Even my health visitor, who happened to coincidentally be a kind and encouraging Christ loving woman said that she could not believe the change in my disposition.
Becoming a mother challenged me in an emotional way that I never expected; it took the focus off of me and on to my gorgeous baby. Everything became about the baby; our schedules, what we watched on the television, the food we ate, EVERYTHING became a conscious expression of selfless love and care - it was and still is the most extraordinary blessing imaginable.
It meant that I could FINALLY understand what “Seeking God FIRST really meant.” It’s putting your own desires after Gods purpose for your life.
Soon after I received a text saying that two friends were moving close to my home and that they were planning to hold a weekly "connect" group in order to create a place for fellowship and that I was invited to come along. I was so excited.
I attended my first “Connect" group and it was even better than I could have imagined. Over the following weeks we studied a short course which was all about how to know Gods plan and purpose for our lives and it was the first time I'd ever stopped to think about the notion, "know thyself"... Little did I know what glorious revelations were soon to come!